Visit 4 continued.
(...)am I so excruciatingly embarrassed by his gaze? It's not culturally okay to be so open (audaciously) and personal with anyone (let alone a member of the opposite sex). I'm grateful for the attention and I do seem to be improving in my personal relationships but hang on. I notice I've been dressing in a manner suited to pleasing him. So he won't find the sessions dull? If I make myself attractive to him I'll be repaying his kindness (if being paid to dose it out can be interpreted as kindness?) Why am I doing this? Am I dressing in a manner to promote pleasure which in turn will be reflected back upon me (graciously received and handed back) - or am I projecting myself onto a blank - (a specific blank owing to its [transference] signs) that will be mirroring my own sexual desire? Why my desire to be attractive? Is the choice of therapist gender specific [to the case?]