Visit 5/6 continued.
...to be. He's a he. Not [his name]. Is this a sign that I respond libidinally to all men (in general) gaining (through flirting) and satisfying a desire not to be disliked? Sooo insecure!!! But its the 'care' I 'get off' on. I told him it was his 'asking me if I was okay' that concerned me. The 'concern' though was that it aroused me and thus made me feel uncomfortable and guilty. I remember when [my friends] mum felt so sad for me, that she just cuddled me - I was about thirteen. It was the loveliest, sensual feeling... so warm and safe. It feels like that when anyone is nice to me and it also 'embarrasses' me - totally floors me.