Week 18 after, continued.
(...)divulged to this 'nice?', 'kind', 'helpful', 'listening', 'healing' etc. stranger called **** leaves me feeling fragile and vulnerable and tearful. I really don't know how to behave and I feel quite scared by it all. I know he's paid to listen to me but it feels so wrong that I can't give. I can't help him. Not that I could, but I feel as though I'm up against 'steel' - 'impenetrable, that renders me completely visible. Nowhere to hide/no screen/no cover - 'thanks' seem insignificant in this field and I can't offer advice or help or know him because, (quite rightly) - I need it this way (the higher Sue knows). This investigation of my sadness forbids any other relationship I guess. I can't give as a friend and so(...)