Week 18 after. continued.
(...)handed the 'reigns'... and still I shrug with indignance. 'For if I could be your friend you may warrant more of me?' I think that's it. It's not that I feel rude that I can't give, I'm not so selfless by half! If I can't give more (e.g. in friendship) then I can't be of 'more value' [to others]: I'm simply not [being] allowed through that door [by my counsellor] and it frustrates me to fuck. I think I'm trying to gain more power - more ground. Look he told me to take it. Why can't I? He's giving me one hour per week... It's a hell of a lot and he simply wants to help. What if I were to really believe that? What then? I've got to respect the parameters but that's all! He told me. What if? But I can't?!