Week 18 after, continued.
(...)I want to interrupt the 'start' process [of the session], by sitting in ***'s seat... just for fun.

IT DIDN'T MATTER WHAT THINGS I DID in terms of self presentation. He knew me fully and could call on me whenever and I'd be there - totally exposed, ready to be ab/used. He had power... older, independent, experienced. I was transferring *** onto *** I think. I was painfully awkward in his presence.