After week 19.
I knew my visits were getting more difficult and I referred to my written notes. I was able to hold myself together a little but it wasn't long before I was hiding again. I put this down to **** (his black trousers and his gaze) and my transferring onto *** and my lack of power in particular. He was good and talked me through everything... I was very honest and told him how I resented the parameters on [my] desire, even whilst acknowledging that I need them totally.