Week 24 after.
(...)Recognition of my desire to create the romantic (patriarchal) hero. Poor bloke wouldn't recognise (nor want to) recognise the power conferred upon him. The romantic vacuum onto which desire is projected.


Ages later... 13/07/00
When I was in with *** I felt like I was on the operating table... torso split open with my innards exposed.
I now relate myself to those innards, discarded on the floor... soft, red, succulent and very, very bloody. Lying in a pool of 'air-brushed, cherry-red, glossy blood... warm and alive'.

And finally...
It wasn't about *** the counsellor at all. He provided me with a 'blank canvas' to transfer onto. I am still unclear [in 2005] about these experiences but I do think that they have as much to do with my relations with women as with men.