24 January 1999
I'm so down. Headache, neckache, sick, flushes... I'm going to the doc's. Can't sleep. It's so huge - going through with a complaint. I can't believe its gone so far. Need to see a counsellor. No joy left.

26th January 1999
Saw [the] doc yesterday. Advised a week off and to go back on Monday. I've felt increasingly shameful, that I'm giving in to stress. This illness is accompanied by a stigma. 'Its not like that' I tell myself. 'You are doing the right thing. It's not that you can't do it, you realise it is wrong to go on doing it. You should be proud, hold your head up', but the 'mud' sticks. The pain from knowing that the students won't(...)